When I think about my work in executive coaching, executive team coaching and leadership development, in effect it’s all about personal change. And when I work with people to help them to first recognise what it is that they need and want to change; then reveal what the barriers to change could be or what’s currently getting in the way; and then how to make the changes they want to make, I use a number of frameworks to help make sense of all of this.
One of these frameworks is Charles Duhigg’s The Power of Habit. Duhigg’s work helps us to see that what we’re currently doing is rewarding us in some way; and that it’s this Reward that we need to discard and replace with a different Reward. His model describes three phases in our habits – Cue – Routine – Reward. Let’s explore an example:
I’m concerned about my health and I want to exercise more, and I want exercising in the evening during the week to be part of that. So, let’s look at what I’m currently doing using Duhigg’s model. In the evening, after a long day and then dinner (Cue), I migrate to the couch and the tv and invariably I’ll get a little restless and I’ll look for a snack (Routine) and I’ll feel lovely and warm and relaxed and sated (Reward).
Now that I’ve revealed the Reward of my current routine, I can see that I need to change my Routine and replace the “lovely and warm and relaxed and sated” Reward with another, but very different Reward. My current Cue is dinner and it’s this point I need to change the Routine; I could for instance get out for a 60-minute walk with friends or if I prefer, on my own.
My new Routine has very different rewards. The Reward of social interaction or head space and time to myself, of feeling better, more mentally alert, of improving my physical and mental health, etc. So why do so many of us find it so hard to make the changes we want and need to make?
Persisting until we see the reward
What often doesn’t help is that some of the new Rewards take time and persistence and many of us give up before we get the Reward. I’ll give you an example. At the time of writing, we’re in March 2025 and from Summer of 2024 I struggled to maintain my exercise routine due to illness, moving house and bereavement, and so a new Routine had embedded itself. I was relaxing after work, moving into a new place and spending time with family and friends. And the Reward was getting well, feeling better, getting the new place set up, and being with family during bereavement and grieving. This passed and I started getting back to exercise, I got back on the bike, literally and metaphorically. But it was tough going for the first few weeks because I’d lost a lot of stamina and strength since the Summer. I had to persist in the absence of the full Reward, and it took me to get to a level of fitness and strength before I got the Reward of feeling fit and strong and being able to see progress.
It was easier for me because I knew the Reward would come in time if I persisted. But many of us fall of the bike (metaphorically) before we get the Reward; it’s all hard work and effort with little Reward and so it’s easier to go back to the old Routine and the familiar old Reward.
So, what to do? One way is to find a friend with whom you can start a new Routine so that both of you can persist when it gets tough and get to the place where you are fully experiencing the new Reward. It’s so much easier to keep a Habit going than to change a Habit; so, persistence until it becomes a Habit is key.
